Two vultures board an airplane, each carrying two dead racoons. The
stewardess looks at them and says, "I'm sorry, gentlemen, only one carrion
allowed per passenger."

Two boll weevils grew up in South Carolina. One went to Hollywood and became
a famous actor. The other stayed behind in the cotton fields and never
amounted to much. The second one, naturally, became known as the lesser of
two weevils.

Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, but when they lit a fire in the
craft, it sank, proving once again that you can't have your kayak and heat
it, too.

A three-legged dog walks into a saloon in the Old West. He slides up to the
bar an announces: "I'm looking for the man who shot my paw."

Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain during a root canal? He
wanted to transcend dental medication.

A group of chess enthusiasts checked in a hotel and were standing in the
lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the
manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But why?" one
asked, as they moved off. "Because," he said, "I can't stand chess nuts
boasting in an open foyer."

A woman has twins and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a
family in Egypt and is named "Ahmal." The other goes to a family in Spain;
they name him "Juan." Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his
birth mother. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she
wishes she also had a picture of Ahmal. He husband responds, "They're twins!
If you've seen Juan, you've seen Ahmal!"

These friars were behind on their belfry payments, so they opened up a small
florist shop to raise funds. Since everyone liked to buy flowers from the men
of God, business was good and a rival florist across town thought the
competition was unfair. He asked the good fathers to close down, but they
would not. He went back and begged the friars to close. They ignored him. So,
the rival florist hired Hugh MacTaggert, the roughest and most vicious thug
in town to "persuade" them to close. Hugh beat up the friars and trashed
their store, saying he'd be back if they didn't close up the shop. Terrified,
they did so, thereby proving that Hugh, and only Hugh, can prevent florist
friars.