Millions of Americans regularly suffer from headaches. Here are some tips
to help prevent them and ease the pain:


Though disputed by conventional Western medicine, the ancient Chinese art
of kneecap-smashing may distract you from your headache.

No matter how bad your head hurts, do not under any circumstances attempt
to remove it.

Many popular herbal headache remedies exist, including valerian and kava
kava, but be advised that they don't do squat.

If you have a severe headache, you likely have five or six throbbing red
lightning bolts behind your sinuses. Neutralize them with a soothing,
bluish, glowing orb.

A key to headache prevention is avoiding getting Starship's "We Built
This City" stuck in your head.

If you suffer from recurring headache pain, you probably have a tumor or
something. Man, am I glad I'm not you.

If you suspect that your headache is a migraine, ask yourself: Does the
prospect of having a double-barreled shotgun inserted in your ear and
discharged fill you with thoughts of blessed, eternal relief? If so, it's
probably a migraine.

Headache sufferers, be advised that episodes can easily be triggered by
stress, improper diet, or people constantly chiming in with their useless
frigging headache advice.