11/17/03
Howdy all! Here in Rome they think its winter, with 60 degrees!!! I've seen people walking around with winter coats on and I'm sweating in a light sweater. The cars are SMALL! Started my class today, with a short methodolgy lesson and then a lunch for the students. Observed a class this afternoon. Living with Emanualla and Enzo Manno, a v. cute old italian couple. THe apt is in a part of town that is not touristy, and there are lots of shops, stores, etc. I write this sitting in an internet cafe in Piazza Barberini, near the center of the city. Have aquired a cell phone and will post the new number soon. Found an 'Irish Pub' around the corner where we saw live music, all Brit and American music . The name of the band was "Mama". THey played (and sang in a hilarious accent) Lenny Kravitz Beatles Police U2 and assorted other hits. Great time at the bar. Go to my links page to visit the bar's website. People here are very friendly, especially if you use a little italian on them.

11/24/03
Week Two. Have figured out cell phone, but I don't have it on all the time, so if you can't get through, try again. Spent a confused weekend trying to figure out why the Metro closes at 12 and there are absolutely no taxis in sight anywhere, even though the streets are TEEMING with kids going out for nightlife. Spent 1 1-2 hours looking for cab at 2am Saturday morning, v. annoyed with lack of same. The weather seems to have gotten warmer, if possible, and have taken to wearing only shirt and v. light jacket to class. This week will begin teaching two classes, should be interesting. Just walked by a Lamborghini dealership, wow! Once again in Piazza Bernini, the easiest place to email since its at a stop on the metro on my way home. It takes a v. long time to do anything in Rome, either by car (definitely bring your blood pressure medicine) or by metro (bring gas mask for occasional unwashed mass).

11/25/03
First Teaching Practice. Had first practice class yesterday with one student at the low elementary level (That's only slightly better than beginner) Made it all the way through without confusing him, didn't run out of material, and got good evaluation from professor. Looking forward to trying it some more.

12/10/2003
GOOD NEWS everybody! The school where I've been studying has offered me a job teaching for them starting in January. I am the only one out of 25 that they chose. Teaching has gone very well, obviously Nuture is winning out in this instance and I've absorbed the folks' abilities. Today is the last day of classes, everything is now done except for one more teaching session tomorrow at 7. My mother is flying in to Turin in the far NW of Italia and we're off to Sienna (central)for the holiday. Have learned new word from my Brit friends: 'Crimbo' - Liverpool, UK slang for Christmas. Have bought cheapo classical guitar to keep myself company and am enjoying. Now looking forward to relaxing a bit after this whirlwind class and getting ready to start work in January. Weather here is a brutal high 40's and rainy.....I MISS THE SNOW. Feel free to ship some by refridgerated container if you like......

HIGHER MATH
Think about this: Last weekend, 12/6 - 12/8 was the feast of the Immaculate Conception. Besides the obvious showing off He is doing by taking three days to do what most mere mortals could only stretch out to maybe two hours at best....what does this mean for Mary? How long was she pregnant then? You do the math - Christmas is 12/25....Immaculate conception on 12/6 at the earliest............Kind makes you wonder, doesn't it?

The Dichotomy of Man
A curious and rather inconvienient factoid about italy: They think shower curtains and carpeting of any kind are unsanitary. There are absolutely none of either item anywhere to be had. They are very serious about it. This was eplained to me by a woman standing next to a kitchen sink gesturing with a sponge that I was convinced is almost as old as I am, and a color somewhere between puce and pea green. But they don't seem to notice little discrepancies like this. Remember: national motto is: 'Oh well...'

12/22/2003
Hello from beautiful S. Margherita, Italia, located on the WEST (sorry this was just cng'd 12/26) coast of Italy, just about 'mid thigh' as it were. Mom has come to visit, and we've taken a whirlwind tour of Turin (saw the Shroud of Turin....an old sheet glued to a piece of cardboard), Nice, France (nice.....) and now we've landed in the small resort town of S. Margherita (and there are none, by the way, it's all wine and limoncello) for a few days. We've decided to stay on through Crimbo until Mom is due back in Turin to fly out. We've done a lot of train traveling, and decided to hole up here and wait out the holiday and the Parmalat scandal by the Sea...... It's a very cute, expensive little town by the sea that must just be PACKED during the summer but is now just a quiet local blip....filled with four star hotels. My kind of blip. Spent the whole time in France stumbling over my supposedly 'good' French as I alternately forgot words and substituted Italians words repeatedly. The worst part is that the italian word for 'yes' (si) is the French word for 'if'. Waiter: "Would monsieur like some coffee?" Me: "If."

HIGHER MATH (Part Deux)
My mother, who was convieniently raised Catholic, has just informed me that the feast of the Imaculate Conception I was refering to in the original HIGHER MATH entry (see below) actually refers to the conception of Mary, not Jesus. So that clears that up, I guess. Now we're left with the relatively simple concept of her virgin birth to deal with, which I'm sure will be explained away at any minute by J.P., who is making a lot of changes these days.

YOU GOTTA BE KIDDING Dept.
Italy. Where the restaurants are open from 1pm-4pm and 7:30pm - 11pm.

Rather Dim.....
Alright, I am a DUMBASS! S. Margherita is on the WEST coast of italy. WEST! WEST!!! Thank you to C. Luton for noticing this. Leave it to a sixth grade teacher to show me up....and can you believe I even got accepted to college!!!

Hot Pink, Burberry & Fur
These are the prevelant fashions in italy at the moment. Hot pink is IN, down in Roma, EVERY store has hot pink plastered on all of its models. Hot pink everything, undies, sweaters ('jumpers' to you crazy Brits), socks, scarves, and yes, LEGWARMERS. And here you thought they went out in the 80's. Now that a reasonable facsimile of winter has set in, FUR is EVERYWHERE. At least 50% of all women we saw in S. Margherita were wearing fur. And these aren't the 'faux' kind kiddies. These minks, foxes and god knows what else were at one time roaming the earth. Even in the big cities they're v. popular. Apparently the boat carrying the animal rights activists sank on its way here. Burberry. Yes, that lovable old plaid that you remember your grandmother wearing is here, in fact its EVERYWHERE you look. And yes, I've even seen hot pink Burberry, for those of you derranged enough to put those two ideas together. I've decided that if you were just crazy enough to do it, you could compleatly outfit yourself with it. Hat, scarf, coat, shirt, pants, gloves, purse, undies, shoes, socks, umbrella. Luggage. You name it, they've got it in Burberry plaid. And for those of you who are madly in love with that wonderful plaid jacket I own (if you've seen it you'll remember it) guess what? They have that pattern for every clothing item too.

The who what now....?
Raise your hand if you've seen "Il Signore degli Anelli" or "L'Ultimo Samurai". Or how about "Dove Nemo?" Literally this last one translates into "where is Nemo". So now you know how to say Where's Waldo in Italian.

S.P.Q.R.
You see this on everything in Roma: S.P.Q.R. Especially manhole covers. What does it mean?! It took me a while to find out. Ironicalamente, I found out from an American (Thanks Marit!) that it stands for: Senatus PopulusQue Romanus (The Senate and the People of Rome). They sure were proud of those sewers. Anywho....I like the local version that the locals use instead: Sono Porci Questi Romani (They are pigs, these Romans). OR, as Ms. Marit also points out, if you are an economist, it can also mean "Small Profits, Quick Returns". Now you know.

Hot and Cold
The italians here in the south are deathly afraid of the cold. I've even heard the theory that the part of your body exposed to the cold can itself, catch a cold. So your ankles might have a cold if you don't cover them well. Their idea of brutal, biting cold that will feeze spit before it hits the cobblestones is about 40 farenheit. In weather like this they walk around holding their scarves over their mouthes and noses, possibly to keep their faces from catching cold, or maybe to help resist the urge to spit on the cobblestones. So, the italian idea of an ideal inside tempurature is something like 80. You wake up in the hotel room dying of thirst and wonder if the place might be on fire or something, its SO frigging hot!!!!! But, in the spirit of not going too overboard, there's not a window in all if Italy that seals properly. Drafty, cold marble floors and they complain about the cold. And they jam themselves into the subway, where it is around 70 typically, wearing FULL gear, even still holding the scarves over their noses. Then they wonder why it feels even colder when they get out. I practically get heat prostration just watching them on the Metro. |||| On the other hand, I just returned from a short visit to Umbertide, near Perugia, where a friend has an old, old farmhouse he is in the process of restoring that is all stone and colder than hell, and that's CNY cold. The ambient temperature in my bedroom was between 46 - 51 farenheit. Ouch. That's INSIDE. I still don't know what they're called in italian, but believe me I wore my longo underweario the whole time. Brrrrr! Pretty, but damn cold. Like Hilary after Monica.....

Let's Blow This Clambake.....
Well folks, there's been a change of plans. I've decided to return home at the end of January. I won't be taking the job that was offered. There's a number of reasons, but some of the big ones are: Almost every employer will require you to work in italy at least partially illegally. Italians will hem and haw and hem some more and then act like you are crazy because simply EVERYONE'S doing it (you'll be cool) but the bottom line is they will eventually admit that it is illegal the way they've set it up. Besides the lack of trust I have in business methods like this, I am not interested in being here illegally. I've heard some horror stories about teacher almost being detained on the way out of the country, and others that go home to visit and can't return, etc. Also, my gestalt (sp?) impression of the way life here is overall not strong enough to take the chance of working illegally. Plus I miss my cats....:-) Anywho, I'll be sticking around to visit a friend up north and spend a little bit more time with friends I made here and see some more of italy, and then I'll be home. Most likely it will be right around the end of January, so stay tuned! NOTE: DO NOT send anything to me at the school, they will not save anything else for me. My phone still works though. See you all soon!!!!

Let's All Smoke...
One additional tidbit I forgot to mention which is influencing me to leave italy is that EVERYBODY smokes here. And unlike good old CNY, where you hardly ever see anyone smoking, they smoke EVERYWHERE and CONSTANTLY! At the mall, in the airports, between every course at dinner, in the train stations, in the bathrooms, in stores, ON the trains, you name it, they smoke there. I sent a two sweaters to the dry cleaners in S. Margherita and they came back smelling like smoke.......And I'm sure I don't have to explain why this is particularly troublesome for me.

Back in the USA
Howdy all! I got back to the States on the 27th, after a mostly uneventful flight. I shut the window on the plane as we were landing....I have great faith in the airlines but did NOT want to see the snow storm we were landing in. But, its GREAT to see the snow again. Its so much brighter and happier. Yes, yes, I know, you all hate it. Well too bad. I LOVE IT! Have been re-adjusting to my house, car, cats, etc and deciding what to do next. Really enjoyed teaching while I was in Italy, maybe teaching here in the US? This website will stay up from now on, so y'all can just sit back and stay tuned for more exciting installments of 'It's Bruce's Life'....

Shopping in the Afternoon
Well, I enjoyed Italy, but I have to say, I LOVE being able to run errands in the afternoon. I can't tell you how many times I went to go get something done only to find that the store either a) was closed for siesta, or b) was closed entirely that day, which may or may not be when they're normally closed. They may have just decided to close that one day. So now I am going to go run some errands. Nothing like a european vacation to make you appreciate K-mart and Target and Wegmans.

Can I go to the bathroom?
"Mr. Tambs.....Mr. Tambs...can I go to the bathroom?" For those of you who are just dying to know what crazy adventures I will get into next, I have entered the wacky, mixed up world of substitute teaching! Had my first job at Chestnut Hill Elementary this last thursday (3/4/04). Its very sobering to hear your name spoken with a "Mister" on the front, and the person speaking it is not kidding or a bank or hotel employee, but is instead a fidgety little rapscallion who cannot sit still. Makes you feel rather old, I must say! Since I liked my teaching experience in Italy so much I am going to get certified to do it here in the states, and will be looking into how to do that v. soon. Until then will be brilliant substitute teacher and mold young minds on a day to day basis.

5/4/2004
Egads how time flies! I have been home in the States now for 3 months already! My next big adventure is currently taking shape: A Masters Degree! I've decided that since I enjoyed teaching so much in Italy that I will get certified to mold young minds here in the US. Am applying to a one year whirlwind (their word) masters program at Syracuse University. Runs from July 2004 to June 2005.

Wuthering Heights Bites (or Bleechhh! My Sensibilities Hurt)
If ever there was a cast of characters that deserved to be lined up, tortured, stacked, tortured some more, ridden like animals, stacked again and then shot repeatedly, this was it.

How is it that a novel by a reclusive emotionally immature english girl who had no experience with men and portrays a cast of characters who act like a bunch of 7th graders on coffee should be considered a 'classic'? If that's true, then I have several essays and plenty of teen angst poetry from that period of my life that surely qualify me for the Nobel Prize in Literature. And here I've been keeping it in a box in my closet all this time.....

It begins July 5th, and will end next June. Hopefully THIS degree will land me an actual career!

Dumb Joke dept.
Q: What's the difference between an oboe and a bassoon?

A: You can hit a baseball farther with a bassoon.

Being able to say you are without a doubt the very best player of your instrument in the whole world: Priceless.

Pragmatism
Forget whether the glass is half full or half empty.

More importantly: Is whatever is in the glass alcoholic?!?!

9-30-04
Once more unto the breach, dear friends, once more,

Or close the wall up with our English dead

In peace there’s nothing so becomes a man

As modest stillness and humility

But when the blast of war blows in our ears

Then imitate the action of the tiger

Stiffen the sinews, conjure up the blood

Disguise fair nature with hard-favored rage

Then lend the eye a terrible aspect

Shakespeare “Henry V”

Remember the Stupid People!
I recently recieved a forward email advocating the boycotting of the new Muslim holiday stamp the postal service is releasing because of all the attrocities the Muslims have committed.

REMEMBER the MUSLIM bombing of PanAm Flight 103!

REMEMBER the MUSLIM bombing of the World Trade Center in 1993! " it claimed.

Why stop there? Remember the Nazis, remember the Israli government's state sponsored murders, remember the Gay Priests, remember Tibet, remember Pearl Harbor, remember the countless children who have been born to drug addicted women or abandoned at birth by mothers who didn't feel like dealing with motherhood, remember slavery, remember the Alamo, remember Charles Taylor in Liberia, remember all the hunters shot and killed by other hunters, and all the children killed by guns kept right in their own homes, remember Rodney King, remember the Six-Day War, remember Chechnya, remember Manifest Destiny and the distinct lack of Natives left in North America, remember the unequal status of women in most religions and the business world!

So let's kill all Germans, Japanese, Jews, Gays, Priests, hunters, gun owners, Chinese, women, Russians, Egyptians, Police, Jordanians, Americans, Syrians, Mexicans, whites, Liberian Politicians and men. That way all the unarmed civilian unordained heterosexual atheist domestic cats in Canada can get on with living life the way it was meant to be lived: WITHOUT THE DUMBASSES OF THE WORLD!!!

The Lost Art of Rhetoric
When listening to the presidential/vice presidential debates, stop and ask yourself: What was the question that was asked? Did the answer address the question?

I spent today observing my host teacher teach a classroom full of 4th graders how to parse a question (Read it! Snap it!) into the Requested & Given, and then how to find the answer to the question in the reading they had done. (Match it! Answer that question!)

I don't think that one could do that to many of the questions and "answers" given during the debates. What message does it send when politicians apparently cannot match an answer to a question?

Vacation Here Me Come
12-6-04 Monday

Final shreds of sanity destroyed by vengeful god of academics at SU, can now only speak in clipped phrases that lack personal pronouns. Severe short term memory loss, extreme agitation, lack of concentration and chronic sleep deprivation. If did not know better might think was developing Alzheimer's. Know instead that Alzheimer's is more fun because all your old friends are there and there's no homework and dinner is at 3:35, AFTER HAPPY HOUR!!!

Oy!

Vacation starts 12/18.

Real Cold
Today the temperature is -2 F, but its more impressive if you say it in Centigrade: -19 C. I used to love seeing the looks on the italians' faces when I would try to tell them how cold it would get here. They always thought I was doing the conversion wrong, then when they realized I wasn't, they couldn't believe it.

Damn Good!
Any Friday I have off is a good friday!

D'oh
You know it was a hard night when, while making coffee the next morning, you look down at the utensil you are about to put into the sugar bowl and its a fork......

A Short History of Grammar
We did not always have grammar. In medieval England people said whatever they wanted, without regard to rules, and as a result they sounded like morons. Take the poet Geoffrey Chaucer, who couldn't even spell his own name right. He wrote a large poem called Canterbury Tales, in which people from various professions - knight, monk, miller, reever, riveter, eeler, diver, stevedore, spinnaker, etc. - drone on and on like this:

In a somer sesun whon softe was the sunne, I kylled a younge birde ande I ate it on a bunne

(from 'What Is And Ain't Grammatical' by Dave Barry)

Off the Roller Coaster Into the Void - 8-17-05
Hi Everybody! Well, its been a seriously long time since I devoted any time to my website! By now probably only the shut-ins and that nice convict from Attica are paying attention any more. On the bright side, the Bush administration has adopted my website updating timeline schema as their new information release strategy, which allows them to tell us really crappy news by spacing it out over the course of a year....

For those of you who have been keeping track, I am now DONE with Syracuse University, where I just finished a whirlwind one-year Master's in Elementary Ed. Fancy as that might seem to those of you from rural areas, all it really qualifies me to do is substitute teach here in CNY, where teaching jobs are as rare as completed Pyramid projects...

The current plan is to substitute around Syracuse as much as possible over the coming year, and then begin looking both here and out of state in the spring, just to hedge my bets.

On the bright side, substitute teaching really IS an 8-5 job, so I will be putting together a stellar xmas album this year. Stay tuned for more Gainfully Unemployed But Highly Qualified adventures....

Kitty E.R. 8-20-05
There IS a kitty ICU. My cat, Duncan, is there right now. After an extremely traumatic evening involving rushing my cat to the emergency medical clinic, only to find out that he had a bladder blockage, and THEN, 20 minutes after returning home (finally) to find out that his bladder had burst and he was going to have to go under the kitty knife, I am faced with the obvious ethical/fiscal dilemna. With animals this comes into play. We would spare no expense to save Ma, but how much is the cat worth? I almost fear being able to make such a decision. Its almost the first step toward de-humanization (no pun intended) to say 'I love this critter but he ain't that valuable'. On the other hand you're thinking "That's an insane amount of money!" But in the end, when you realize that you are considering the cost and not the life, its a little scary. You wonder "IS there a price for Ma that would be too much?"

In the interest of not sending my readership into cardiac arrest by divulging exactly how much kitty surgery, kitty ICU and kitty incidentals cost, I will only say that making a decision like that sucks. In the end I choose to err on the side of hope, because at 6:30am with almost no sleep, faced with the need to make a decision within minutes and with his brother sitting looking at me wondering where Duncan was,I just could not live with the idea that a creature that we love and consider a member of the family simply 'isn't worth it'. I had a minute to make the decision, and if you ask me, if you only have a minute, err on the side of caution. You can always get more money.

On the other hand, I find that in telling the story I cannot help but utter the phrase 'kitty I.C.U.' without both a very pained, loved-one-in-jeopardy expression, and a certain amusement at the idea of such a place. Kitty I.C.U. Wow. Can you believe it?

Return of the Cat 8-22-05
Duncan has returned, shaven, woosy and with a big blue collar around his neck. He spent the first hour or so stumbling around as the tranks wore off, then figured out how to slip out of the collar. But he is happy and keeps rolling over to show me his scar. So, all seems to be well, except now I have to figure out a way to enforce "3 weeks strict rest" on a rambunctious young cat who is just so happy to be home. Yea!

Cheesey Joke Dept.
What do you call cheese that you stole?

Nacho Cheese! (ba dump bump!)

9-6-05
This morning I checked the weather to see if I should wear sweats or shorts to jog, and ran into a weather descriptor I don't think I've EVER seen for CNY: The forecast for today calls for 'abundant' sunshine! Wow! Not that summers here aren't usually filled with many beautiful days, but this IS Central New York. ABUNDANT sunshine! This must be a first!

Give us a BETTER sign, oh lord!
Yesterday, while listening to coverage of the aftermath of Hurricane Katrina, I heard a story about residents who would not leave the city. One such was a missionary for the Beutiland (sp?)Baptist Church, in the lower 9th ward. When asked what she was going to do, she said "Oh, lord jesus, maybe just try to stick it out over here, help keep the place clean, and JUST WAIT ON THE LORD TO BLESS US WITH ANOTHER PLACE TO GO."

This is eerily similar to a joke I once heard. When this lady dies and gets to heaven and asks the lord "Why didn't you send us a sign?", god replies, "I sent you helicopters, and boats, and finally the 82 AIRBORNE, lady, why didn't you go with them!???"

If you say so....
Sometimes, the more we say something, the truer it becomes.

10-23-05
Do you feel it is important to respect others' viewpoints?

How do you feel about telling other people what to do?

Things That Make You Go Hmmm Dept.
Meanwhile, as the world prepares for the threat of a flu pandemic that would be triggered by genetic adaptation, the 42% of Americans who believe "humans and other living things have existed in their present form since the beginning of time" aren't worried at all. Why should they? Genetic adaptation is just a dirty lie!

Free Time
The nice thing about being an S.U. football fan is that you get to turn the game off after they lose the lead in the first quarter without having to wonder how it will turn out.

It gives you more time to get things done around the house.

Damn Canoeists!
Q: Explain one of the processes by which water can be made safe to drink. A: Flirtation makes water safe to drink because it removes large pollutants like grit, sand, dead sheep and canoeists.

A wise man I know once wrote:
To save the world you will have to fight alone.

To change the world you will have to start at home.

The Adventure Continues...Again!
¡Hola Everyone! Guess what? I’m engaged!! Wow!! How did we meet? Marina Vasquez was an Au Pair (which is sort of a nanny exchange, like studying abroad only working as a nanny) for cousins in Virginia. I went to visit my cousins, and the rest is history. For pictures of Marina, visit my pictures pages.

For those who haven't heard, I am leaving to visit Marina in Tandil, Argentina for three months!! (Don't forget to look on the left side of this page for the weather in Tandil, I've got both Liverpool & Tandil posted) She’s been home taking care of some family matters for a couple months, and since I have been subbing I thought this was the perfect opportunity to go and learn about her country, culture, language, food, toilets, etc...

By the way, my neighbor Lance informs me that the direction the water spins has more to do with which way the jets point in your john, and not so much the coriolis effect. Lance is an engineer, so I believe him. If you really want to observe this, you need a very large funnel and some water. Or beer. Anyways…

I have been studying Spanish and Argentinean History getting ready for the trip. I'll be there 2/1 - 4/28, and then we'll return here to Liverpool. The wedding will be here in Syracuse over the summer sometime, and then we’re hoping to move to Virginia near Williamsburg, although this depends on me getting a job. The application process is already under way, so keep your fingers crossed!!!

So, stay tuned for continuing reports coming from South America!

Dumb Joke Dept.
Q. Where do you find a dog with no legs?

A. Right where you left it.

¡Hello Everyone from Argentina!
Hello all!

Well, I arrived safely in Buenos Aires after a grueling 19 hours (Syr to Nwk to Hous to B.A.) and then we had a 3 hour car ride back to Tandil.

First impressions of Argentina: The country side is nothing but ranches. Cows everywhere! Mostly the black angus kind, but a few Holsteins too. Unfortunately, I just saw on the news last night that the rest of South America has banned beef exports for 6 months because of some cattle disease (but NOT MAd Cow, I found out later) that was found somewhere here in Argentina.

This gets especially tricky because a) beef is far and away Arg´s number one export, and b) they eat it like CRAZY here. The traditional dinner is "asado" which is basically a cookout. In essence, grilled meat. Big, honking, slabs of meat, with all the gristle and bone attached, and tons of chorizos or sausages. Its REALLY declicious, but I find myself marvelling that this disease has been found here. Such a tragedy for the economy. Hopefully everything will be just fine soon. Marina tells me that it will make beef cheaper for us locals, anyways. She says this disease, whatever it is, pops up every so often but never becomes a real problem.

The climate is a little warmer than I had anticipated apparently. Latitudinally, Tandil is about like New Jersey or D.C. But they have Royal Palm trees here, and the geraniums are clearly in the ground all the time because they´re enormous! Such beautiful geraniums! Big thick woody stems on them.

Other plants include: Eucalyptus, Red Pine, Agave, Teasels, white poplar, some kind of sycamore (I think) and something that has a flower like snow on the mountain, but the leaves of a tomato plant.

Tandil is very cute. It has a lot of charm and is just the right size. At about 150,000, its got a bustling downtown, complete with cobbled streets, but you can walk to the edge of the city very easily and be in one of many nice public parks. There´s a nice lake here with a man-made dam, and another park with a gorgeous view of the whoel city. Its moderatly hilly as you leave town going south, otherwise, v. flat.

The people have all been very nice. I´ve been kissed hello by everyone, even the first time I met them. Even the guys. Its cute, really, a very charming hospitality. I´ve been running with one friend of M´s-Fernando. Today I´m meeting another of her friends to go buy a ´churango´ which I guess is something like a mandolin, from the way it was explained to me.

I´ve also found an Aikido dojo here, and they were really friendly as well. Its really close to the house, too.

One thing I´ve noticed is that since the climate is warm enough, no one has dryers. So there´s always laundry hanging on the line! Cute!

Today Marina´s mother´s aide (her mother had a stroke) Liliana taught me to make empanadas, which are sort of a filling wrapped in a little bit of pie crust. Mmmmmm! I ate like 10!

That´s it for now! Check back for more continuing adventures, I will try to post about twice a week or so! My email´s on the left of this page, so keep in touch and stay warm up there in Norte America!!

El Loco Americano
So. Week Two.

I have been out exploring a lot more this past week, now that I am getting settled in and improving my Spanish. I’ve made friends with a couple of Marina’s guy friends: Fernando, Guillermo, and Gonzalo. Fred, Bill and Gonzo? Ha ha.

We’ve gone to the local pool to cool off, going again today. Its been in the 90s, wicked hot. Standard conversation opener these days is “¡Que calor!” or “What heat!” How about this heat? Hot enough for ya? This must be one of the fundamentals of all human society.

So I have made two great parchases so far. One is a cowboy hat. How’s that for ironic? Came all the way to S.A. to get the most quintessential American clothing item. I wanted a gaucho hat, but I think they’re mostly felt or leather. I saw this one in a camping store. It wasn’t really hard core cowboy hat, just your basic straw hat cum cowboy hat. But after a little work I’ve gotten it all rolled up on the sides and bent in the front and back. I wear it everywhere, with a hawiian shirt. Ha ha. I get a lot of looks, they don’t wear many hats here. The other day I was buying a cell phone, and the guy in the store was like “ yeah, I recognize you, I see you walking by here all the time in that hat”. I see people sort of quietly nudge each other when I walk by…ha ha. Hey, look at that crazy hat? El Loco Americano

The other is a Charango, an instrument that is popular here in the high plains. It has 12 strings, which are grouped in twos, in octaves. Like a 12 string guitar. But the body is very small. It looks like someone chopped the headstock and half the neck off a 12 string guitar and attached it to the body of a ukulele. It has a high sound, very much like a mandolin. Its really cute and I’m enjoying learning a new instrument!

One thing I’ve noticed about here is that because things are so expensive, people must keep the things thay have in good shape, get them repaired, etc. According to Marina, they wouldn’t if they didn’t have too, which I understand. But to me, the American from a throw-away society, its kind of refreshing. Its especially prevalent with cars. You’ll see 1930’s Ford pick-ups, Citroéns from the 60´s, Fiat 500 from the 70’s and 2005 Fiats too. Renaults of all years, and I mean ALL years. You’re likely to see a 57 Chevy pull up next to a 2003 Ford F150 followed by a 1990 Fiat and three guys on mopeds or motorcycles. The two-wheelers are popular here too. You´ll see mopeds, scooters, motorcycles, both off-road and road types. You’ll also see people driving 4-wheelers in traffic. But I find the whole thing very refreshing, because it shows that we don’t really NEED a new mini van every year. We could just get the old one fixed!

Another interesting factoid about Tandil is all the dogs. There´s many wild dogs. Not like WILD wild dogs, but dogs that once had people but were turned out. Apparently, when the economy collapsed a few years ago, everyone had to make choices about with mouths to feed. So they sort of hang out in the streets and parks. They especially like outside seating at cafes. They´re all friendly, nothing to fear. Its funny though. Almost like a Disney movie or something. They’re like, real breeds, but wild. Its really very sad, because they are friendly and often very pretty but have no humans. Marina’s cousin Marisa rescues them when she can. So, Rome is famous for its cats, Tandil for its dogs!

Well, stay tuned for more adventures! Hasta Luego!

2.21.2006
This week went to an asado (which basically means cookout) for my dojo at the house of one of the guys. It was a blast! A super fun crowd. Wives and families came, and while the kids ran aroud and played, we sat and talked the entire afternoon and part of the evening away. Topics of conversation ranged from Moorish influence on Spanish architecture to aikido to jobs to learning new spanish words, like "calderona" which is the spanish word for a woman who is 'hippy' (a good thing, it was agreed).

This week I bought a bicycle, a used beachcomber. Puke green with coaster brakes and a chainguard for your nice pants. ha ha Its a trip. Tandil is small and flat, so its really the perfect way to get around. I can travel all over the city in just a few minutes. Bikes here travel in the street along with the rest of traffic, all going about the same speed. Its pretty funny. ALso, I notice that there are not many stop lights. Its more sort of, slow down as you get to the intersecion and the street signs all have an arrow showing which way that street goes (downtown all are one-way) so you check that direction for traffic. If there's none, you go. If there's something coming, either you speed up or slow down. It resembles what happens when a traffic light is out in the states, although since they're all used to it its more safe. And yes, I take my time and keep my awareness 360 degrees around me at all times and don't take chances.

For those of you who know my mother, she is arriving next week for 9 days, so she'll be adding craploads of new south american birds to her lifelist and will from now on be very hard to top ornithologically. ha ha

Stay tuned for more Tandil adventures.....

3.1.2006
Here is a funny moment: We had a couple of Marina's friends over for dinner the other night (I made meatloaf, which in Spanish is 'pan de carne' - literally 'bread of meat' or loaf of meat, so now you know your mom's cooking is more international than you used to think....) and after dinner Fernando and I walked around the corner and bought helado. (ice cream) Whilst standing in line waiting for the ice cream, I noticed a flavor that struck me as rather odd: bologna. Yes, in Argentina, bologna is a flavor of ice cream. Now THAT'S taking your love of beef to new heights!

This week Mom has arrived. Since Marina bought her an Argentinian bird book as an arrival gift, she had already identified 2 of the species in the book just in the 3 hours in the car between Buenos Aires and Tandil.

This past week's purchases include a summer-weight poncho, and a pair of bombachas, which are a sort of khaki pants that button or unbutton around the ankles. They can be worn as work pants or as a sort of preppy look, the same as good old khakis. Marina tells me that they were popular in the states for a while0

Speaking of clothes, I am a giant in the land of munchkins down here. Often, when I walk into a store the owner will look me up and down and shake their head (shame on me for being so tall!) and pronounce that he has no clothes in my size, at all. They are especically dumbfounded when I announce my shoe size: 47.5 They all think I am getting my numbers wrong and trying to say something else. ha ha El Gigante Norte Americano. But I have found some cool white shirts, the short sleeve white summer shirt. Hawaiians sans color.

If you are wondering what Argentinians listen to, go to your local record store. Seriously. Mostly the same stuff Americans listen to. The Rolling Stones are HUGE HUGE HUGE here. There is an entire sub-cultre called 'Rollingas' (roll-ing-goss) who are fascinated with Mick & Co. It is not possible to watch the entertainment news without some mention of the Stones.

In terms of music in spanish, however, Marina is a big fan of Manu Chao and Los Babbasonicos. I like Los Fabulosos Cadillacs, Los Pericos, Los Autenticos Decadentes, Orquesta Peqùenos Reincidentes and Karmellos Santos.

Lastly, the other day I was having a bad day and Marina brought home a real treat: an honest to goodness Cuban cigar..which cost about 11 or 12 pesos (3-4 USD) so knash your teeth cigar smokers....I got the good stuff!

For no particular national radio station in particular, this is Bruce Tambs...in Tandil, Argentina.

3.10.2006
Before I forget, I meant to mention much earlier that I have had the chance to perform here! One night about three weeks ago, we went to see a friend of Marina's perform with his folk rock band. After they finished, he said something like " And now my American friend, Bruce!" and I went up and played a couple tunes from my xmas CD's, two of the more mellow ones: An Evening in Venice and Looking For The Loon, both from the 1st CD. The place was still packed and I got a huge round of applause after the first song and had to play the second one. ha ha. So, I can now claim to have performed on 2 continents!

In the news this week, we ended Mom's week-long stay here with a day trip to Buenos Aires, a humongous city of around 9 million, reminiscent of NYC if it was in Georgia. Due to traffic and getting lost we did not see as much as we had hoped, but we had fun seeing the city by car and doing so shopping and a really neat music store that was formerly a theatre much like the Landmark in Syracuse. So the vaulted ceilings with frescos and side boxes were still there. Very cool. An interesting tidbit I noticed about B.A. is that the traffic lights work like this: Green, yellow, red, THEN....red & yellow at the same time, then green. Gives you a little time to rev up your engine and get ready to fly off the line...ha ha

Yesterday we stopped at an English Institute Marina attended and also did some work for, and I arranged with them to do some staff development for them next week. Hopefully this will work into a few hours a week of teaching. Ironically, for you teachers out there, this school has just discovered what they call Brain Based teaching, which they are all excited about. Howard Gardener, Bloom's Taxonomy, Learning Styles, the works. I felt like I was back at S.U. all over again! I may actually be doing some consulting on how to implement this style of teaching, can you believe it!?

More to come.....stay tuned!

3.11.2006
Here is another intersting tidbit relating to transportation in Tandil. For reasons that I have yet to discover (Marina doesn't know why either) many drivers in Tandil drive WITHOUT lights AT NIGHT. Or, as an interesting variation, they drive with maybe only one little bitty light (I think these are what my neighbor Lance refers to as 'parking lights') about as bright as a flashlight with a weak bulb. The streets are certainly lit here in downtown Tandil, but they're not ultra bright or anything. The upshot of all this is that there are more than a few cars cruising around without headlights here at night. Add this to the distinct lack of traffic lights in general and the pull-into-the-intersection-and-speed-up-or-slow-down custom and you get quite an interesting situation. On the bright side (no pun intended) because the streets are cobblestone and therefore wicked bumpy, no-one drives very fast. And as far as I've noticed, there are not many accidents. I'm guessing this is because Tandil is a relatively small town and people are just used to watching for cars with no lights on and not driving so fast that they don't have reaction time.

Famous Roman Rulers for $800
He said: "Beware the leader who bangs the drums of war in order to whip the citizenry into a patriotic fervor, for patriotism is indeed a double-edged sword. It both emboldens the blood, just as it narrows the mind. And when the drums of war have reached a fever pitch and the blood boils with hate and the mind has closed, the leader will have no need in seizing the rights of the citizenry. Rather, the citizenry, infused with fear and blinded by patriotism, will offer up all of their rights unto the leader and gladly so. How do I know? For this is what I have done. And I am Caesar."

American Expatriot Eats Lunch, Ponders Life.
Today I sat and had lunch at a sidewalk table at a popular restaurant called 'Maxim', across from the Plaza d'Independecia in downtown Tandil. I enjoy eating lunch alone at a sidewalk cafe like this one, especially one that has a great view of the hustle and bustle. I used to eat at one like it in the Piazza Barberini in Roma.

There's something that I like about going out to dinner or lunch with a book, but sidewalk cafes like this one, especially when they are in places I am not familiar with or foreign countries, please me especially. Sitting, reading, thinking, taking my time, I feel like a character in a Hemingway novel, or maybe Papa himself, sitting in a sidewalk cafe in Havana.

Those are the little moments when one feels like the world weary traveler who can speak in the waiter's native tongue and order coffee the way the locals drink it, and does so absentmindedly while comtemplating Big Issues and reading Something Deep.

60's Rockers for $200
"There must be some way out of here," said the joker to the thief, "There's too much confusion, I can't get no relief.

3.22.06
Yesterday was a big day here for me. The group from our dojo traveled to Mar Del Plata (somewhat famous after the problems with Bush last fall at the Americas Summit, riots, etc.) to attend a seminar given by Massatake Fujita Sensei, who is this like 100 year-old Japanese guy who studied with students of the original founder of Aikido and now travels around giving seminars. He's pretty much about as high as you can get in Aikido. Not many guys like him in the the whole world.

Anyways, I the seminar was fun and I got to meet tons of people from different places in Argentina, and work with a famous sensei. He has a cool custom of writing your name in Japanese on your gi (aikido clothes). So my gi has now been signed by Fujita Sensei. Cool.

In teaching news, I got a job teaching! I have a class of five pre-intermediate level students at athe english institute. The class is Mon & Wed from 8 - 9:30. So far I have had only one class but it is going really well and the school wants me to take on more classes. We'll see about that, I don't want to get too busy, but its great to be teaching. I enjoy it and am using all my teaching methods from S.U.

Stay tuned for more exciting adventures!

Building bridges, flapping wings.
One thing that I've noticed about people here is that they all sort of cautiously ask what I think about Bush. Of course, I think he is somewhat of a dingbat, and I usually say so.

But the thing I try to spend more time on is the idea that we Americans are NOT little mirror images of our foreign policy. I've tried to convey the idea that in reality the US is sort of polarized at the moment, and we are not one nation united in our goals, and that the view people have of our government really doesn't apply to the 'common' people, even the ones who voted for Bush for one reason or another.

I've had a couple really great conversations with people who have traveled a bit to the effect that no matter where you go, even in countries that have (for one reason or another) unpopular governments, you'll find that people are really friendly, will help you if they can, are mostly just worried about family, working, and relaxing with a few beers occasionally.

I get the feeling that people are happy to hear this from an American, that our government has really created a very negative image of ourselves as a whole and that much of the world has gotten the idea that we are really a bunch of jerks. Which I am sorry to hear, although I certainly don't make the mistake of thinking its only the US. Venezuela comes to mind, so does Cuba.

Anyways, I'm going out of my way to make sure people understand that there are far more than one type of person in America. I hope that maybe when it comes to affecting the United States' image in the world that I am like the metaphorical butterfly flapping its wings in China, I guess.

4.3.2006
Saturday morning I got up early and went on a little 'photo safari' of Tandil, part of my effort to really document my Argentine experience. I have to mention that whilst on my little walkabout, camera in hand, I met some of the nicest people. A waiter at the local coffee shop, a guy in the street (whose house I was to find out I had been photographing) and a little old lady who asked if I was a photographer. They were all so nice. One of the very best things about Tandil is that the people here are very friendly. They don't turn their noses up at foreigners, instead they are interested in you and very friendly.

Another thing I notice is that after becoming used to the city I have realized that it is extremely safe. Not that I leave my passport laying on sidewalk cafe tables while I am in the bathroom or anything, but there just isn't a lot of crime here, and you don't feel like you need to be extra-careful. Which is nice.

This week I bought rechargeable batteries and a charger for my camera. Even though the charger will only work down here, it was still worth the 16 pesos, since regular batteries only last me about an hour. Saturday morning I blasted through 8 in three hours with the camera on constantly. On the bright side, I am up to something like 500 photos of Tandil & Surroundings. Major themes include: Architecture, Automobiles, Dogs, People & Signs.

Life in a Bad Economy
The other day Marina and I were walking home from somewhere, and we remarked on the fact that unlike the USA, there really are no 'low price' options available here. For instance, at home we can go to places like BJ's Wholesale Club or to KMart for lower price items.

Here in Tandil, however, we notice that everyone sells items for just about the same price. Reflecting on this, I thought about the American business model of lowering prices to outsell competitors and make up your profits in volume. But there in the US, people can afford to take that kind of risk.

If fact, it might even be the opposite here. Here, we were thinking, if one person were to raise their price, everyone else would also probably raise their price, thinking, "oh great, now we can get more for soda" or whatever item it was. I think this reflects real desperation on the part of Argentinians. This economy is so bad for them that they cannot even afford to think in the long term like KMart but must try to make as much in the short term as they can because things are so bad. And of course, it snowballs, since they charge so much because they make so little because everyone makes so little so no-one buys much in the first place, because everthing is so expensive because no-one buys much on the first place....etc.

This has been a real subtle point to notice about living here. You don't notice it right away, especially as an American, because our economy has not been this bad in anyone's recent memory. I suppose this must have been what it was like during the great depression. If going to Europe exposed me to different cultures and customs, coming to Argentina has really driven home the reality of how life in vastly diferent economic circumstances is.

On a similar note, I have heard comments from Argentines who have been to the states regarding the disgusting waste of opportunities that they percieve, coming from this economy. For them, we have so many opportunities that we don't appreciate, since we have never lived without them. They tend to find this seeming indifference to the plentitude of opportunities annoying, because they have to struggle so hard against an entrenched system just to make a similar opportunity. Another lesson in perspective.

I feel like a "New Man" for $600
"What we've got here is failure to communicate. Some men you just can't reach, so you get what we had here last week which is the way he wants it. Well, he gets it. And I don't like it any more than you men."

Englis as a Shecond Language
The Leith police dismisseth us, which causeth us dismay.

4.13.2006
This week is what the locals call "Semana Santa" or Holy Week. Tandil boasts a sacred attraction called The Calvario, which is a hill where there's a large cross and a very pretty park constructed around it. Marina tells me that there is a tradional Stations of the Cross ceremony using the larger than life stations on the hill. The upshot of all this is that Tandil is one of the places to be in Argentina during Easter Week, and fills to the rim with out of towners who come for the long weekend. So this will be an interesting weekend.

I taught four extra classes this week at the Institute, which were fun. Most of the students at this institute are teens. Many of them come to class in their school uniforms, which range from the simple public school white smocks to the more recognizable Catholic School look.

Common questions that they ask me are: "Why did you come to Tandil?" "What kind of music do you like?" and "What do you think of your president?" The first two are pretty normal, but it is definitely interesting to be getting the last one from teenagers.

Say what now?
The funny thing about existing in a language base that you only understand at the intermediate level is that there is this wierd time lag in all communication. When people are speaking to you there are two time frames: the pace that the words are reaching your brain and the pace at which your brain analyzes the input and synthesizes meaning. Often, your brain comes up with a couple possible meanings.

Sometimes if the gap gets too wide between these two events, you get lost. This happens when there are too many different possible meanings to sort through, or you get stuck on an important word. FOr instance, when someone says "we went to [unknown word] last night and didn't get home until late" you don't neccessarily get lost. But when they say "have you seen my [unknown word]?" you're screwed.

There's also a lag in your own communication. In this case there's three events happening. You're thinking of what you want to say, you're busy finding a way to say it using the vocabulary you posess, and you're busy watching to see if the person you're talking with is giving you the signs that they understand you.

Frankly, there are a lot of momentary puzzled looks on both sides. You don't understand well, and you have a thick accent and make terrible grammar mistakes.

And sometimes, (these are the worst) you get through an entire exchange, and due to coincidence you manage to get the entire gist ofthe conversation wrong. A ood example of this happened to me the other day and Marina pointed it out. We were renting a movie and the video store had an old Billy Idol record playing. She asked if it was Billy Idol. The clerk said it was. Then I said "Es muy temprano Idol". Literally, "its very early Idol". The man said something back which I thought was like "yeah, but its still good". But when we left, Marina asked what I had meant to say. It turns out that this word I used only refers to time of day, and what I had in effect said was "Isn't it a little early in the day for Billy Idol?" and the guy had said something like "Yes, but its good music".

Which brings me to the most important thing I've learned about speaking other languages: Always double check and make sure you understand. Its like the old rules we had for writing. Restate the question. Very important. Otherwise you may end up insulting Billy Idol.

Speaking "Frankly" for $200
I find it all so amusing. To think I did all that; And may I say - not in a shy way, No, oh no not me, I did it my way. For what is a man, what has he got? If not himself, then he has naught. To say the things he truly feels; And not the words of one who kneels. The record shows I took the blows - And did it my way!

Chau Chicos.....
Well, the grand adventure here in Argentina is drawing to a close at long last. Its been great. I've made some really great friends, learnt to speak a smattering of Spanish, and generally enjoyed myself hanging out with Marina and her mother and her crazy dog, Dante and Las Aikidistas (you know who you are!).

My plane leaves tomorrow at 10pm from Buenos Aires, and I will be home Friday around 4pm. As they say here in Tandil....Chau chicos! Nos vemos!

A 50% chance of......smoke???
Ok, now this is just weird. Looking at the current weather conditions for Tandil today I noticed something odd: It said, 14 degrees celcius with "smoke". Smoke? Now that's just bizarre!

5.31.2006
I know what you're thinking. You're thinking, "This guy never updates his website anymore!". Ha ha - it's true. But never fear, I am busily editing my Argentina picture collection and planning a major overhaul of the site this summer - so stay tuned!

In other news, Marina is here in the States for a 3-week visit. We modified our plans slightly since last update. She will be visiting for this time in the Spring, and then going home for a while. Then she is hoping to come back in time for the fall semester at S.U. where she will enroll in the English Language Institute at S.U. and study for the fall. Those of you who know her know she speaks very very well already, but there's always more to learn, and she is considering studying here, so it would be good to perfect her academic english. Also it gives us a chance to take our time but also allow her to be in the country.

In teaching news, I have put applications out to every district from Fulton to Tully and from B'ville to ESM, so now we play the waiting game. Hopefully this year will be the year I get my own classroom. I've decided to stick it out in CNY, as I love the area and already own a home and have family here. So that's it for now. Stay tuned for updates and the Argentine Photo collection coming soon!

Some thoughts on the World Cup...
Here are a few rules I might adopt if I was the coach of the US National Soccer team:

1. The ball is the little round white thingy.

2. The object of the game is to put the ball (see rule #1) in the goal. Thats the big net on the other side of the field.

3. VERY IMPORTANT: If someone from the other team has the ball, TRY TO GET IT AWAY FROM THEM!!!!!!!!

So many zeros....
Donald Rumsfeld was briefing President Bush on the war in Iraq one day, and reported that a couple of brazilian guys had been killed by roadside bombs.

The President was crestfallen. He put his head in his hands and shook his head. "This is just terrible!" he said. "How many zeros in a brazilian again?"

Things that make you go "hmmm" dept.
In the Health Services Center on campus at SU, there is a flyer entitled "Getting What You Want From Drinking"

8/28/06
Marina arrived a week ago and will be moving up to campus this weekend. She is beginning classes monday at the English Language Institute at University College. She'll be renting a room within walking distance of campus.

For my part, after a mostly uneventful summer, school starts up on the 6th, although I assume I will not get sub work until the following monday. My only interview this summer was with Liverpool for a temporary teaching assistant position. So, more looking on the bright side of subbing. I am planning on getting through till Christmas before making any decisions about the 2007-2008 school year. At least there will be more time to spend with Marina.

9/13/2006
Well, another school year has begun. Unfortunately for me, not many teachers have been taking sick days yet....C'mon People! Don't your kids have doctors appointments or something you need to take the day off for?!?!

Yes, that's right! Another exciting year of [roll dramatic sound from Who Wants To Be A Millionaire] Substitute Teaching! As my second year without a full time position starts I am sad to contemplate that I might have to move out of the area completely to find a job. I think that's too bad. I like Central New York. Besides, if Al Gore is right, this may eventually become beachfront property!!

On a serious note, I have decided to stick out the last two years since my younger modus operandi was to bolt in the face of trouble. I wanted to "do the right thing" and thought that a year of subbing was ok if it would land me a job. Now however, it feels like it might be wasted time. People glibly say to me "Move to Las Vegas, they need teachers there." YOU move to Las Vegas, jerkus, and I'll take your job when you leave. I don't want to live there, and neither do you, obviously. These are the bitter rantings of Mr. T, substitute teacher.

On a bright note, Marina is doing very well at S.U., she has even moved up one level in her program (there are 4 levels of english). She's been considering the possibilities of O.C.C. in the Spring and generally making friends and getting involved on the Hill. Having her here is an eye opening perspective on Syracuse, since I find myself getting out to more events that I may otherwise have skipped as she is getting to know the city. While I have always said that Syracuse is nice, I am struck again by how much there is to do if you get off your duff and look for it! Yea us!

Irony Dept.
What do you say to someone who has just mispelled the word 'retarted'?

18-10-2006
Al otro mano, tienes otros dedos.....

Fall Cleanout 2006
If you want to REALLY motivate yourself to finally get new livingroom furniture, throw out all your current livingroom furniture.

11-3-2006
If life deals you lemons, make lemonade; if it deals you tomatoes, make Bloody Marys. But if it deals you a truckload of hand grenades...now THAT'S a message!

2-4-07
If you have a bunch of odds and ends and you get rid of all but one of them, what do you call it?

Mr. T strikes again!
Good news! The last few weeks have been very productive career-wise. I was personally requested by the librarian at Donlin Drive Elementary to fill in for a 2-week period while she was out (I had worked for her once before for a day) and so spent a fun filled two weeks as Mr. T - Librarian (shhhh!).

The best part is that the principal saw me at work and recommended me to the principal at Willowfield Elementary for a long term temporary Teacher's Assistant position in a 2nd grade classroom.

So, the last couple weeks I have been a T.A. in second grade, where I tie an average of 10 shoes a day, reed funy spelang, and stand a 50/50 chance of doing the Chicken Dance every morning during Brain Gym time. Its a lot of fun, and to have a couple of principals who know your name and have confidence in you is definitely a Good Thing!

Invisible Rabbit Dept.
Years ago my mother used to say to me, she'd say, "In this world, Elwood, you must be" - she always called me Elwood - "In this world, Elwood, you must be oh so smart or oh so pleasant." Well, for years I was smart. I recommend pleasant. You may quote me.

Numerology Dept.
Even as I type this, my car is sitting in the driveway with the odometer reading "111111". To top that, the other one, the "trip counter", currently reads "1000". Wow. That's got to mean something, somewhere, to someone!!!!

Morning Edition, April 16, 2007 (NPR)
In case you missed it, a Swiss watchmaker is selling timepieces allegedly made from steel salvaged from the Titanic. How do you top that? You might rush off to Paris, where Christie's is about to auction the skeleton of a prehistoric mammoth. Bidding starts at $200,000. But just think how it would look once you get it set up in your garage!

6.4.2007
Que voy hacer, je ne sais pas

Que voy hacer, je ne sais plus

Que voy hacer, je suis perdú

Que hora son, mi corazon?

La Vida Gramatica
A preposition is a terrible thing to end a sentence with.

Revolutionary Leaders for $1000
Muchos me dirán aventurero, y lo soy, solo que de un tipo diferente, de los que llevan un sombrero del cowboy, y usan camisas hawaianas. - El Bruce

Latin quotes from The Hunchback of Notre Dame for $1000
Bibamus Papaliter - Drink like a pope.

Cibi, potus, somni, venus, omnia moderata sint - Food, drink, sleep, love, all in moderation.

Cessat doctorum, doctrina, discipulorum, disciplina - The doctrine of the indoctrinated and the discipline of the disciples deteriorate.

Luxuriosa res vinum et tumultuosa ebrietas - Wine & drunkeness are luxurious things.

Et omnia in philosophia, omnes in philosopho continenteur - Philosophy contains all things, the philosopher, every man.

........?! Dept.
One of the oddest things I have ever heard of.

Movie quotes for $500
You shouldn't hang me on a hook, Johnny. My mother hung me on a hook once. Once.

Happy Columbus Day!
After three months of battling the United States 7th Calvary - which is charged with moving his people to a distant reservation or killing them - and a 1,700-mile trek toward Canada, Nez Perce chief Joseph surrenders, October 5th, 1877. "From where the sun now stands I shall fight no more forever," he is said to have proclaimed; his people are shipped to Kansas, far from their Oregon home. In 1879, Joseph goes to Washington, D.C. to plead the Nez Perce case, without success. He dies in 1884. [source: Smithsonian magazine, Oct. 07]

Hmmmm......
The discussion about the war in Iraq reminds me of trying to decide whether to take the knife in your chest out or leave it in.

Wait A Minute.....?!?! Dept.
It strikes me that often the racists that I encounter are also very religious. I find this ironic, considering that when asked what his most essential take-away point was, Christ is reported to have said the following:

[something about honoring god above all else] and (Mark 12:31) And the second is like, namely this, Thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself. There is none other commandment greater than these Wait a minute......?!?!

Comebacks You Thought of Later Dept.
Recently someone showed me a cell phone with a picture of a cardboard box with a stick propping it up. Tied to the stick was a string, and under the box was a watermelon. The person asked me "Hey, what do you think this is?". Thinking back on it now, I should have answered "A racist's cellphone?"

It Comes In A Bottle?!
Good news everyone! I recently discovered that Utica Club comes in bottles! Woo Hoo! Classy!

Adam Loves Steve
Recently someone put forth the following argument supporting the idea that government should legislate who we may and may not marry: "Hey," they said, "god created Adam and Eve, not Adam and Steve!" Doesn't that mean that god also created incest?

States I Would Never Want To Live In Dept.
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Machiavelli Dept
Toning it down to achieve our own ends since 2005!